In Remembrance.

Today, I’m reflecting on the life that was my mom’s.
It’s hard to believe that it’s been a year since I said goodbye to her.
A year since I last saw and touched her face and held her hand.
A year without hearing her voice.
No midnight Words With Friends requests.
No seeing who can send the silliest Pusheen sticker on Facebook.

I’ve spent a lot of time this past year reflecting on this moment. The moment that my life changed forever.
I remember every conversation that I had that day and the days following and how I desperately tried to make sense of what had become my reality.
And even a year later, I still find myself trying to make sense of everything.

I miss my mom. I miss my dad.
I know they are together now. And I know how great that is.
But it doesn’t make the hurt go away. Not completely anyways.

I know that over time, this day will get easier.
I know it will.
And maybe even one day it will make sense.

But all I know today is that the time I had with my parents was so much shorter than I wanted it to be.
All I know is that I get incredibly jealous of those of you that can actively gripe about your parents silly annoyances and how I desperately wish I could still have those same arguments with mine.

The idea of another empty Mother’s Day and Father’s Day is one that I don’t typically look forward to.
The barrage of commercials and social media ads only serve as a constant reminder of that which I no longer have.

So to those of you that still have both or only one of your parents left on this earth, hold them tight the next time you get a chance.
Make sure they know that you love them. Show them that you love them.
Call them. Spend time with them.
You never know when the next time you say “See ya later!” will be your last.

If I had known that Saturday night that I would never have the opportunity to talk to my mom again, there is so much more that I would have said. There is so much more that I wish I would have said.

Those things will forever be stored in my heart.

I know that they still know that.
That they are with me.
I feel them in the breeze.
I think that’s God’s way of reminding me.

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