No one said recovery would be easy..

I often find myself reflecting on this journey of recovery I’m on, and every place along the way I’ve found myself in.
And a lot of times those moments are filled with such regret.
I look down at my arm(s) and wonder why I ever picked up a blade in the first place.
And wonder even more why it’s been such a long road and why I’m still on it.

And most of the time I don’t have an answer.
This isn’t the ideal path that I would have preferred to be on.
And sometimes it’s hard.
But I know that despite the difficult days, God is preparing such an awesome testimony.
And you’d think that would make recovery all the easier.
I wish that it did.
I think this is the first time I’ve ever been serious about recovery.
Sure, there were times when I went two years without self harm.
But looking back, I don’t think it’s because I was serious about recovery.
I just ignored that part of my life. Until it found it’s way back.
And recovery is probably the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life.

But the comforting thing is, I know that I don’t have to harm myself because I think I deserve it. And what better day to have that thought than Good Friday?
Christ already took all my sin and shame with Him on the cross that day.
I’ve been redeemed.

And while some days I have a hard time remembering that, I have some pretty great people in my life that remind me.


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