fifty three

Today is fifty three days that I have been self harm free.
Back in January when I had a minor relapse, I was at sixty four days.
I’m almost back to that point.
And I’m not sure exactly how I feel.

I almost feel like the more and more that I count the days, the more I feel like I’m sabotaging myself by counting.
I’ve made it to two years on two different occasions.
But it’s getting to ninety days that seems to always be the big mountain I have to climb over.
And it’s like, the closer I get, it scares me.

Days like this I have to remind myself that I’m worth recovery and I’m worth the difficult days and hard fought battles.

I’m worth it.
I’m worth it.
I’m worth it.

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